Amazing surfer. Awesome suit. If this stays on in the water we're all for it. (from Malia Jones' SI/Walter Iooss Jr. shoot a few years back)
There are always issues when fashion eludes function, and visa versa, and this is certainly the case with water gear for surfer girls. Personally, I feel companies who have sold themselves as girl / women surf companies, though they have some lovely clothes, have let the average Jo surfer girl down in terms of truly awesome surf suits. In Hawai’i, we surf with some of the hottest pro surfer girls in the world, all hard-bodied and perfection. Hello world, we are not all built that way! Some women’s boobs actually jiggle and laugh in the face of a stretchy sliding spaghetti strap! In this post (which we’ll likely add to) we look at some surfer girl swimsuit don’ts….
The halter: It may make the boobage look all pushed together, snuggly, and a little mo’ big, but the halter is the worst kind of bathing suit top for a surfer girl. Fashion statements are one thing. I have a nice, yellow, bust-enhancing halter from Victoria Secrets, which does magical things, but it’s for wearing on the beach (for short spurts) not on my board. Why? Surfer girls have enough problems with neck strain; why put additional pull on the neck while we surf. You may not feel it while it’s happening, but your neck and shoulder muscles are compensating. Beware; especially larger breasted women. Unless you are spider-bite sized, you should avoid the halter. The crisscrossed back and sports bra styles seem to offer the best boob and postural
A zipper on the chest - Roxy, really?
support and consistent coverage for bigger surf. Now if only form and function could evolve beyond the compressed boob-flattening that the sporty suits create. There are a few brands out there…but there needs to be more!
The Tankini: These often offer nice comfy support and are lovely for women who don’t want to show the belly. Unfortunately for the surfer girl they have a habit of riding up, or down, while surfing. And body surfing – ferget it! – the boob always pops out the top. Unless you can find one that’s secure fitting, you’re best to get a nice rash guard to cover up.
- cute but not functional
Board Shorts with Elastic Waist Bands: These are often offered at a Costco and seem like a good deal, until they’re around your ankles after a wipe-out. Though even Hurley and Billabong make them now, and they’re making their way into the surf stores, I recommend only wearing this style out and about or for jogs on the beach. The exception is for the full-figured surfin’ wahine who can stretch out the elastic all the way or their bootay is bootayfull enough to keep ‘em up and… they ain’t goin’ nowhere. Simply an observation: guys who wear elastic board shorts are 99% of the time not surfers.
Board Shorts with Fake Ties and Fake Pockets: While we’re on the subject… why put a friggin’ tie in the front of a board short if it has no functional purpose? And by that I mean, why not make it functional!? Why put a pocket on girl’s board shorts if you don’t bother making it so the wax could stay in it? And by that I mean, would it really cost that much more to have the velcro go that extra inch across the whole pocket, g-d forbid you did such skimping on same brand’s men’s boardshorts – just sayin’. These are a few of the little things I’ve wondered about… for the past 20 years. No big deal, surely they’ll give me a good answer some day. Or maybe this needs to go in the NASA pile: things the geniuses at NASA will have to invent once the space program is null and void and they can invent high-IQ solutions and inventions that couldn’t be accomplished by the common man.
Suits with Embellishments: Unfortunately, some cute suits (like the deals you find at Ross) have weird embellishments in odd places. Like O-rings on the front of the hip or between the bust – ouch. Dangling beads also suck when you jump back on the board and have no time to reposition because you need to paddle back out before the next big set. I remember when Xcel had the plastic adjuster for the elastic cinch on their womens (not mens!) wet suit tops in the front, making it awfully painful when lying on the board. They should have made a public apology and refunded everyone (hey, I still have a few). After many complaints they did realize women would actually be surfing in it and repositioned it like the men’s version.
- Honey Girl makes their sporty tops cute, supportive, with a light SEWN-IN padding… but maybe a little more sexy? & make the halter on the right with a crisscross back!
Bikini Bottoms with Tie Strap Sides: These are fine in small waves, but the thing about the surf, it has a way of undressing you. When it happens you will be happy if the side that unties is not the side with the leash, if ya know what I mean. Many a surfer girl has paddled in nekkid; don’t let this happen to you.
If you have the perfect surf swimsuit, send a pict or link! If you are a big surf company and want to see all the dream wahine water gear I’ve been designing in my mind for ten years, give me a buzz. If you’ve had a horrible surf swimsuit experience, send it in for another post!
Hahah! I would LOVE to see sporty suits for girls with large breasts. Title Nine and some of the other companies make some serious sports bras and then their sporty suits have teensy tops and ridiculous bottoms. Do they think that the same girls who buy their bras never surf or paddle? GET REAL!!!
Seriously agree about the halter. I’m still searching for the perfect top so I can stop the tie digging into my kneck under my wetsuit. Maybe I just need to look harder and ignore that the top is cute hehe
I feel like I’m on a constant search for the best surf wear (that has SOME cuteness to it – not into the whole Speedo look.)
I didn’t realize it, but you’re right about the halter. It does stay on but its a light strain on my neck for a long period of time.
So what are your suggestions?
I personally don’t like board shorts. Too much material that feels soggy and gross, like a big diaper. I like boy shorts with a tie, which aren’t that easy to find (most have fake ties, which are useless.)
Thank you for blogging this!
this is kool.
Best surf bikini top ever is the Bibiana by Patagonia. Stays on and no annoying halter tie at back of neck. Only problem is the pads which move around. Easy to take them out though.
Will try to find it online (went to the store duing the last mainland trip but they had just gotten rid of all the girl warm water wear (not the guys of course)… I do like some support, like superlite padding, but they need to sew that sucker in!!
Amazing that you posted this this is so right on. I actually fall into the mosquito bite category and still can’t tolerate the pain of a halter strap around my neck. I actually thought there was something wrong with my neck cause my fingers were getting numb. The crossback is my only option. I have spent so much f’in money on board shorts cause even though I am small on top I have a round booty that likes to drop any suit it comes in contact with during duck diving. I have finally found that the thin skins from O’neil and the volcom boardshort that’s about 4 in big, listed as a hawaii model works awesome, no seams, the right velcro and an actual functional tie. I usually tie the string to my neoprene sleeve tie so the shirt doesn’t roll up and the shorts don’t roll down. Now I just have to get sponsored for this blog and I’m set!
I found these while in Costa Rica… local Surfer Girl was wearing… absolutly love them… actually stay on!
http://calaveraswimwear.com/
Cool. They look sweet. Too bad they don’t have that Fierce Diamond in a criss-cross back instead of the halter!
I actually wrote to Roxy and gave them the same message (no response), PLUS I’m 56 years old, a DD cup and need additional support due to the Earth’s gravitational pull- sad but true! I surf all the time and it’s a constant battle to remake every suit so its not a halter (ouch! neck pain), support the girls, and even though I’m old I want to look cute too! With 30 years of costume and design construction under my belt, I’m seriously considering starting a business myself in this industry. I’ll let you know if I do and you can help spread the word. Website up soon.
You know, I ended up following everyone’s advice and hooked up with Calavera. Love their suits. We’ll be posting an interview with the owner very soon. Otherwise, the only other top I fall back to, which should work for fuller figure gals, is Patagonia’s racer back. Keep us posted if you make some suits tho!
HI Ladies, Have just come accross this post…I knew there were others out there with the same dramas when surfing as me! I have DD boobs and funny that you say that the halter neck tops don’t work, as for me, if you want something that doesn’t look like a giant sports bra and can hold the girls in, then halter neck is the only style that I have found that ticks both boxes. I find that if you are looking for a top for large breasts with over the shoulder straps or cross over straps that the straps need to be really thick and therefore make the top look fairly unsightly. They do need to have underwire in order to work properly though.
I have just teamed up with the wonderful Danny at Salt Gypsy (www.saltgypsy.com) and we are working together to road test swimwear / surfwear for female surfers and find quality swimwear that really works. As I have just joined the team we don’t have much specifically for large breasted ladies just yet, but never fear, it will be coming soon!!!:-)
[...] hadn’t heard of Calavera Swimwear until I wrote an article last year entitled: “Swimsuits Surfer Girls Should NOT Wear“. A number of women commented and recommended I check out Calavera, and eventually the [...]
i know these don’t look the best but if I’m not in a wetsuit which is pretty rare haha i’ll wear a one piece or some athletic bottoms and a bikini with a rashie over the top… the rashie’s good because i don’t get board rash and nothing with fall out of my bikini… x
Here ya on wanting *nothing to fall out* lol! Definitely check our recent Calavara article on the new wave of surf suits: http://coconutgirlwireless.wordpress.com/2012/12/17/surfer-girl-swimwear-savior-calavera/