Archive for the ‘Economy’ Category

While biotech keeps activists distracted, corporate America BFF Prez-Obummer is hoping to fast-track one of those evils with elephantitis, The Trans Pacific Partnership (maybe another New Year’s present!). Wikileaks released the draft text here and stated in their press release: “If instituted, the TPP’s [Intellectual Property] regime would trample over individual rights and free expression, as well as ride roughshod over the intellectual and creative commons. If you read, write, publish, think, listen, dance, sing or invent; if you farm or consume food; if you’re ill now or might one day be ill, the TPP has you in its crosshairs.” Oh, is that all. Nah, The TPP is the just the aperitif to the equally secretive US-EU pact TTIP (Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership). TPP and TTIP will cover more than 60 per cent of global GDP (both pacts exclude China).

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Stand back Che – Welcome to the era of ASSANGE!

There’s been a lot of chatter in the news, on social networks, regarding Ecuador’s decision to grant amnesty to Wikileak’s Julian Assange. Since yesterday’s refusal to kick Assange out of their embassy and into the hands of the British authorities, people are now planning vacations to Ecuador and buying Ecuadorian-made products to show their support for the South American republic. Who knew protecting a white guy could be so lucrative for a Hispanic country’s economy?

Get Your Facts Straight on Assange

Assange isn’t likely to be allowed clear passage to Equador… ever. Instead, he will probably be stuck in a tiny converted office with no windows on an air mattress eating take-out for years to come (provided they don’t get sick of him or Britain throws caution to the wind and raids the place).

So we thought, what if Assange went on an embassy ‘tour’ and used his infamy to improve the economy of struggling countries or ones that want to piss off Britain and the US? He could be smuggled out of the Ecuadorian embassy and sort of… embassy hop. Press releases could be issued; shirts designed; tour books printed; the merchandising possibilities are endless.

Obviously, the success of the tour is contingent upon being able to get him in and out of these embassies without being noticed and arrested. In order to ensure this is pulled off without a hitch, we’ve assembled a group of the brightest minds to come up with our Top Five smuggling options for:

The Great Assange Embassy Tour

  1. Ross Perot is still alive – send him in. He’s done it before, he can do it again.
  2. Hire the make-up team from The Iron Lady. Since his look is somewhat androgynous, it shouldn’t be too hard to make him look like Meryl Streep or Queen Elizabeth. Alternate plan: Hire the make-up team from Harry Potter. Since they’re probably still bitter about losing this year’s Academy Award to The Iron Lady‘s team, they may see this as a way to get revenge. 
  3. Bring in the narco tunnel makers. The recently uncovered tunnels by the Sinaloa drug cartel – which ran from Mexico to Phoenix – had lights, ventilation systems, a rail car and are considered “an extraordinary piece of engineering.” When the Embassy Tour is over, they can be used for other lucrative “import/export” businesses.
  4. Get the Misfits to help. This idea makes no sense whatsoever but since we love the show so much, we thought we’d smuggle in a plug.
  5. Use body modification. Forget all that Fakir Musafar nonsense – we’re talking even more extreme methods. Like putting him on a bananas-only diet (after a couple of months, he’ll be 150 pounds heavier); Or removing an appendage or two (they did it on nip/tuck). The narco tunnel makers probably know at least one or two hack-job plastic surgeons that could give Assange a complete (and permanent) physical transformation.

Keep updated on Assange: http://wikileaks.org/

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Subject: I have been given your name by trusted mutual friend

Dear American: I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gramm, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transaction is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed informati on about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully,

Minister of Treasury Paulson

(You’ll probably get one of these eventually, as the email is making its rounds. Be forewarned!)

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by Msss. Reef-Rash

We’ve got some serious problems to tackle in our world at the current time.

I’ll start with OVERPOPULATION and the billions of people that are taxing our planet’s resources to its full extent. To the point it is soon likely to be the reason for all wars (if it isn’t already) and whose ENDLESS CONSUMERISM is creating mass amounts of waste. Another factor of the dis-ease in our planet is GLOBAL WARMING, a reality due in part to all the people and corporations that are using mass quantities of oil that are deemed responsible for generating the greenhouse gases changing our planet. A third major problem is the new OIL CRISIS, where this ever-growing population’s demand is about to outstrip the supply available, hence the historic level of oil prices and the search for alternative fuels. And let’s not forget GOVERNMENT CORRUPTION which allows all these problems to continue, grow, fester and get worse in the name of the Almighty Dollar and the American Dream.

The only problem among those mentioned whose solution will fatten somebody’s pockets (there’s that almighty dollar), and therefore the only problem everyone is scrambling to work on, is the oil crisis. Considering that gas now costs twice as much as it did many months ago -certainly an important concern- it’s still only one issue I’d like a solution to. It is however, a great beginning point in changing our world for the better. So what are our options to ensure we have oil to power our lives?

Either we could drill for oil in our our own country, which apparently wouldn’t help the gas prices because to bring the machinery and set up at each of the very small reserves we have would end up costing Americans the same at the pump in the end. Or we could continue down the line with foreign oil until their reserves run dry, but either way the population’s demand will outstrip supply by 2020 according to “Tapped Out” [National Geographic, June 2008].

Hydrogen fuel cells would have been my vote, because it is made simply by converting water to hydrogen with the use of the sun or wind, but our CORRUPT GOVERNMENT screwed that one up with the Bush Administration’s “National Hydrogen Energy Roadmap”, drafted last year in concert with the energy industry, in which “up to 90 percent of all hydrogen will be refined from oil, natural gas, and other fossil fuels – in a process using energy generated by burning oil, coal, and natural gas… which would effectively eliminate most of the benefits offered by hydrogen.” [Mother Jones] Of course, this is because those making the bucks with oil can’t stand the thought of losing out on the money and have to find their way to keep funneling more to themselves.

Many people lean towards alternative fuels because they sound fantastic, but in most cases we are actually just creating more problems. For one, the use of corn in biofuel has driven up prices of food and is now causing food shortages around the globe (to the extent that you now have to ask for a loaf of bread when you go to a restaurant and in many places must pay for it). Another problem with alternatives is that making biofuel isn’t cost effective or better for the environment. In fact, according to Christopher Calder from Huntington News, “The ‘energy independence’ argument for biofuels is a hoax because American biodiesel made out of soybeans costs the equivalent of making regular diesel out of oil at $232 a barrel. Making ethanol from corn costs the equivalent of oil at $81 a barrel and uses 28% more fossil fuels than gasoline. Only massive government subsides makes biofuels affordable at the pump. Most countries had large food surpluses before the onset of the biofuel hoax, and the world will return to food surpluses once we put an end to government biofuel mandates.”

The future is looking grim, isn’t it?

Maybe not! I have thought and researched and thought some more and come up with THE SOLUTION… which took shape during a political discussion I had with my dad on Father’s Day in regards to alternative fuels, oil and President Bush ‘n’ friend’s fat pockets, which are getting bigger with every increase in foreign speculation that occurs. On every point I made, my dad had a counterpoint except in one area: The real crux of the biscuit that he could not argue was that there are just TOO MANY GOD DAMN PEOPLE IN OUR WORLD. And the answer to that major problem is to get rid of some fuggin’ people… which brings me to THE SOLUTION!

THE SOLUTION which will eliminate all five of our world issues is TDP!

TDP stands for Thermal Depolymerization Plant, which is “a solution to three of the biggest problems facing mankind,” says Brian Appel, chairman and CEO of Changing World Technologies, the company that built a pilot plant and has just completed its first industrial-size installation in Missouri. “This process can deal with the world’s waste. It can supplement our dwindling supplies of oil. And it can slow down global warming.” According to Appel, the TDP will accept any item and turn it into high-quality oil, clean-burning gas, and purified minerals that can be used as fuels, fertilizers, or specialty chemicals for manufacturing.” Oil crisis solved!

Ok, so I see that Brian Appel’s crew thought of the TDP first and foremost to help with our ENDLESS CONSUMERISM, OIL CRISIS and GLOBAL WARMING, but I promised a solution to two more problems that Brian didn’t have the guts to talk about. Why not use the TDP to deal with our OVERPOPULATION issue, because that truly is the root of all problems since the TDP can accept any carbon-based items. “If a 175-pound man fell into one end, he would come out the other end as 38 pounds of oil, 7 pounds of gas, and 7 pounds of minerals, as well as 123 pounds of sterilized water,” according to Appel. (The article this information came from Discover, Vol. 24 No. 5, May 2003, called “Anything into Oil“, which goes on to state that there are no plans to put people in the machine.)

But why not? Why not start throwing people in that TDP thing and churn them into biodiesel? The only question that remains is which people? …and the answer is obvious! Well, I have to admit I personally thought we could get rid of the Christians first since they feel they must over-breed us into oblivion, though that would include my mom, Jesus bless her. But then my dad commented that we should save our country by using the very people that are wrecking it and turn in the Democrats… but I say why stop there? The Republicans are just as guilty of causing the mess in this country. Why not make it government workers across the board. That made my dad happy because he thinks most government workers are Democrats anyway… but I think it is high time to get rid of our entire CORRUPT GOVERNMENT, POLITICIANS and LOBBYISTS and start over again, fresh and new, with nice people that aren’t power-seeking, power-wielding ogres. I mean, have you ever gone to a government office, such as the building department, tax office, county council meeting, etc., and enjoyed your visit? Most every American leaves these places in disgust, wishing that murder was legal.

Well, maybe we can make it so, in the name of altruism: Government Employees (not including teachers, park workers or…any other people I deem as the good guys) it is time to volunteer to help your country. Put yourself out of our misery. Don’t hesitate, please send yourself in for oil! The rest of us need to be able to afford the drive to work again!

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