I have always had this weird fascination with how quickly celebrities could grow their hair out. Perhaps it has something to do with my kinky curls and the length that seems to get lost in spirals. The only way my hair looks as long as it is, is when it’s wet. Following short hair trends or visiting grandma who thought you’d look so cute in a pixie cut, meant years and years of emotional maneuvering through the awkward phases. So growing up watching all of these female starlets cut their hair short and then within a year -snap- they have a lovely flowing mane has irked me to no end. Sure I was naive about hair extensions, but that wasn’t the point.
There are many theories as to why Britney shaved her hair off in the first place, and all seem as if they could hold some potential truth: hair represents one’s past and it is cleansing and freeing to remove the weight of that burden • she was trying to be shocking – otherwise she would have done it at home • she was crying out for help – ergo the revolving door to the rehab clinic • she was making a statement that she is independent and ultimately no one was in control of her life but herself • It was a reaction to the news that a family friend had died of cancer • She was having some serious hair issues, possibly linked with one or more of the following: stress, poor diet, having children, drugs/medicines or alcohol use, chemicals from bleaching and coloring, damage from hair-extensions, alopecia or simply bad genes. Over a year ago headlines were already declaring “Britney is Going Bald.” That’s a hard thing to deal with as a blond, long-haired, pop-princess. Maybe as hard as it is for some men who begin to lose their hair before their time; it feels good to take it off themselves, rather than having it slowly disappear before their eyes. Like fame.
If I shaved my head bald it would take forever to grow back. If hair grows six inches a year, and you add in a curl that makes every six inches really equal three, it would take twice as long for me to grow out my hair than most people. In five years for example, my hair, when dry, will look just 15 inches long. On a humid day it could seem exceedingly shorter. As my curly-haired compatriots know, only when the hair gets past the shoulders and holds enough weight will it even move beyond the “fro”. But since curly hair with a tendency to frizz needs split ends cut often…well, it seems a never-ending battle.
No one is too shy to give their input about the matter, even if the input is simply: You go girl! or Leave her alone! But some celebrities weren’t scared to be honest about Brit’s new do. 50 Cent seemed a little perturbed by the whole thing: “Counseling man, drug counseling. That wasn’t right man, why did she do that?” Others wondered why she would just leave all her hair at the salon for the owner to snatch up and auction off. eBay was having none-of-it after one too many Britney hair auctions went up the same day, so the salon owners created their own site and supposedly sold the locks for somewhere just over a million bucks. Which even had Brit’s diehard fans –posting on teenie bopper sites that encourage “no negativity towards Britney”– calling her a “selfish cow” for not donating to Locks of Love. That’s a little cruel. But why didn’t she?
No one would want my hair. It’s okay. I know it. I mean sure, you get all kinds of straight-haired people telling you, “Oh, I love your hair. I always wished I had curly hair since I was a kid.” You want to believe them. But you know, if they ever had to really deal with it… My hair is so thick I used to have to shave the underside in the back, just so it would stop dreading and be somewhat manageable. I was young when I did it; emotional, self-absorbed…and I didn’t think about donating it to Locks of Love either.
Anyway I wonder, how long it will be before Britney has hair again? Does hair somehow grow more quickly when you are a celebrity? Will she jump right back into bleaching and hair extensions? On the betting sites there are all kinds of strange odds for Britney’s future. Odds she may not even know about…. Do these people see something she doesn’t? Rehab timetables, custody of children, and even a futures market – who’s the next baby’s daddy? I think the more interesting gamble is whether or not Britney will have real(ish) long hair by, say…June 2007. Can someone spot me $100 for that bet? Come on, I’ll split the kitty!
I’m trying to grow my bangs out. My hairdresser (okay, I’ve been to a hairdresser three times in ten years) made some comment about bangs as if I should have grown out of them by now – like they’re pre-teen or something. Whatever. I’ve been cutting my hair myself since I was a teenager, so I won’t have to cry when I leave the hairdresser. And if there is a perk to curly hair, you don’t have to cut it straight! I only once went to a super fancy-pants trendy Beverly Hills salon, thinking they were the highest paid experts and would know how to fix me; like a celebrity-in-waiting whom they could reinvent into beautiful – this was going to be my curly hair make-over. We were having our I Hate Brenda Newsletter (a slightly smarmy dig at Shannen Doherty – I mean Brenda Walsh) bash at the Park Plaza Hotel and all I wanted were ribbons. My hair to curl like ribbons…like the black girls get. When your hair is somewhere between black and white though no one seems to totally relate. Anyway, the lady started talking on the phone and bleached half of my head – I mean the top to halfway down (please don’t ask me why, I don’t know). I actually had to come back the next day to get it fixed and even paid the $200+ for the mess. No ribbons.
She just can’t win, can she? Supportive, dedicated, hopeful perhaps…but what would it really take for Britney’s fans to fall in love with her all over again? Likely she would have to be 17, dating Justin Timberlake, have a hot sexy video, claim she was a virgin…and have beautiful long blond hair.
As for me, I gotta go do a deep conditioning. Where’s my hair pick?! xo
Coconut Girl Wireless 